Friday, October 9, 2009

Too much nervous energy

Guest Contribution from Laura Wolf
Shamanic Minister and Isis Cove Community Member

Dear One,
Thank you for reaching out to share your journey with us and asking for support. That is so important as we go through these changes. And thank you to all of your awesome SHIP Mates who have been sending out the love. Everyone's suggestions are helping me, too. I've been on quite a journey with my anxiety over the last couple of years. Before starting SHIP I never would have said I was an anxious person. I thought I had hypo-glycemia (self-diagnosed, of course) and whenever I felt racy inside and couldn't think straight I ate some protein and carbs until I felt better. My anxiety went through the roof a couple of years ago - just as I was completing my first SHIP, going through a break up, and getting ready to start Apprentice SHIP. I felt extremely anxious all day, every day and I couldn't control it with food anymore. No matter how healthy or how much I ate, the anxiety would not go away. I was really scared there was something seriously wrong with me. I went to the doc, got tested for everything, and they couldn't find anything wrong with my blood sugar, my thyroid, or anything else for that matter. I had to face the fact that I had been medicating my internal chaos with food for 15 years and it wasn't working anymore. The more conscious I become, the more painful my addictions become until I have to face and embrace them and start working a program around them so that I can get to the other side. Believe me, I have tried a million ways to eat, breathe, meditate, relax, and do yoga to calm my anxiety. All of those tools help me in a daily way to stay centered and healthy. When I don't take care of myself daily, I get anxious real fast. But I'll tell you what - once I've entered the anxiety zone there's only two things I've found that really work. The first one is to surrender. The sooner I say, "God/Goddess, I am powerless over my anxiety. I can't make it go away. I believe a power far greater than my little ego is living and working within me every moment and that that power can heal me. I need your help. I surrender. I turn my anxiety, my life, and my will over to you," - the sooner the relief comes. The other thing that really helps me is to FEEL whatever it is that I don't want to FEEL that is causing the anxiety in the first place - grief, sadness, fear, terror, anger, etc. A good cry does me a world of good and releases all of that pent up energy and frees me to be present again. The sooner I become willing to feel my feelings, the sooner I feel different, and usually much better.

This process of transformation can be pretty frightening to our egos. Our egos feel like we're going to die, which, of course, we are in a symbolic way - dying to what no longer serves us. So our egos do everything they can think of to get us to stop, turn back, don't change. Our souls, on the other hand, know that we are called to transform into a greater experience of our power, our passion, and our purpose. Thank you for reaching out and helping me remember to surrender and feel.

Love and blessings,

Laura Wolf

1 comment:

muchomambo1 said...

Hi Laura!
I can really relate to your experience with eating to soothe anxiety. I also have self-diagnosed myself as prone to hypo-glycemia, but it was only since talking with you and hearing your experience that I considered anxiety as the source, not low blood sugar. I especially notice these feelings when I am busy at work, or when I feel fearful about something. Thank you for helping me consider a different reality. I can now work on this, by an act of surrender.

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Star Wolf's Welcome

My journey in life has been a spiral path of wholeness that continues to move through cycles of change taking me through many symbolic death and rebirth experiences, which I refer to as “shamanic portals of transformation.” I have learned more than I ever thought possible through a process I will share with you in my future writings, called the Shamanic Breathwork™ process, and the five initiations process called S.H.I.P. Once I have made sense of the lessons on my path and discovered the bigger picture, I am ready to pass on and share both my stumblings and my leaps along the way. In my own spiritual quest, I have always appreciated most those who shared their struggles and victories in an authentic way. That will be my humble attempt within the context of this blog.

I believe that we are all indigenous to this earth. I respect all my relations, whether they be human, animal, plant, mineral, visible or invisible ones. We are all related by the great web of life and sent here from the great beyond. Everything we say and do touches all parts of this magnificent web of creation. If I treat myself or anyone else unfairly, we are all affected in some way. Fortunately, the converse is true, as well. I am not perfect. If I am honest and have humility, I can admit that I will make mistakes as I seek to further evolve my conscious awareness. I can also make living amends by striving to change my negative thoughts and behaviors, and live from a more open-hearted connection to others and to myself. I have learned over time that all the changes I seek in the outer world must begin by looking within myself first. I have also learned that it is imperative that I have the courage to be honest with myself and to look at the “shadow” side of my personality. When I have had the courage to truly know myself better, the light and the dark, I have found the inner strength to change my life and shape-shift myself into the light of my true soul’s image.

From time to time I will share different programs and events that are being offered through my non profit organization (Venus Rising Institute for Shamanic Healing Arts) in my blog, as well as photos, videos and teachings, etc. But the main purpose of this blog is to provide an outlet to share the inner musings of my shamanic spirit and journey, and to hear yours as well. I look forward to connecting with all of you who intuitively know that you, too, are a valuable part of the shamanic process of conscious co-creation and evolution on the planet at this time. We each have a role to play and a soul purpose in the drama unfolding in our world today. Together we can create a better place for all beings on earth to live and leave a powerful legacy for those who are yet to come.

I believe we will all be remembered by future generations for the choices we make during this time of huge evolutionary change. In the words of the wonderful poem, “Summer Day,” by Mary Oliver, “what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

In Love, In Service, In Gratitude,
Star Wolf
Feb 2nd 2009